Connection or Attachment

“Reach out and connect with all that surrounds you but be conscious of when it time to let go.”

-Dr.Bernie Siegel

 Connection – vs – attachment; two seemingly similar concepts, yet so very different.  If you study any ancient spiritual teachings you will find the concept of attachment being something that disconnects us from our soul.  It anchors you, enslaves you and ultimately promotes you to be removed from your own personal truth and well-being.  However, you also hear about how you should give to others, love others and share with one another as a means to purify or enhance your spiritual and soul connection.  It can be confusing to try and understand how you are supposed to express love but not become attached. How can you give if you have nothing?  How can you love but be worried about loss? This can be a difficult boundary to understand.

Spiritual and personal growth are very much hinged upon figuring out the difference between these two intertwined emotions.  To be attached is to ego-invest in the outcome or the actions of someone or something else.  It is when you have expectations that your emotional state weighs heavily upon.  You feel the need to control and the fear that arises within you when you find you do not have the ability or power to create what you feel is best.  We often ego-invest in our children.  We attach to them.  We use them as a means to define us and what they become or grow into.  Many parents consider this is a direct result of “their” efforts.  This might explain the countless numbers of distraught parents who struggle tremendously when their child doesn’t become who they thought they were molding them to be.  This is attachment.  In attachment, you are fearful, lost, controlling and obsessive.  It ultimately will drain you and take over your happiness until you “detach” yourself from it.  This can be as simple as attachment to possessions. Such as a car that you are so worried someone might blemish that you park at the opposite end of a parking a lot to avoid any discrepancy.  Even our appearance can become an “attachment”, hence the empty obsession that society has to be young and youthful.  Attachment, in all ways, is toxic and that is what many belief systems advise against.  To detach from what is outside of your soul connects you to what is within your soul and through that you grow.

Connection, however, is very different.  Connection is feeling love for something or someone regardless of its choices or changes.  Connection is driven be unconditional love, lack of expectation and fed by the emotion of peace it gives you.  Feeling connected to your community and taking place in activities such as feeding the homeless or visiting the elderly.   Connection is loving someone for who they are and not pinning expectations and your own personal hopes on their achievements.  It is loving and accepting with love and no disappointment when your child chooses to not attend the college you pushed them so hard to go to.  Connection is owning things but being unaffected if those things are taken away or change unexpectedly for any reason.  Spirituality focuses specifically on mastering the difference between these two ideals and through that understanding, inner peace begins to grow.

Ask yourself if there is anything you are only connected to?  Or is it all attachment?  If you find your life filled with attachments you will also find your emotional state will be filled with detachment.  Feeling angry, depressed, lost, unsettled, out of control, fearful are all symptoms of attachment.  They are subtle hints from your soul to start practicing letting go.  The more you let go, the more love will begin to enter your heart.  The more you accept and surrender your personal beliefs and judgements, the more happiness and contentment will grow within you.  I urge you to try to bring connection into your life.  Choose one thing you can label as a personal attachment and just let go of it.  Release the fear, the illusion of control, the worries about losing it, etc.  Just make a commitment to catch yourself when it enters your mind and choose to breathe and release rather than obsess and focus.  Every time and every little thing you let go of, you will gain back a piece of your true self that was hidden behind the fear.  As the fear leaves you, your soul finds you.  Then you can truly start connecting.

By Jillian Greyse (

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s